CAPSULE MOVIE REVIEWS: 9-20-24

Film Critic pants are on! Time for some capsule (short) movie reviews, so here are my thoughts on four New Releases for the week of Friday, September 20th, 2024.

1) TRANSFORMERS ONE

Taken a few minutes before the press screening of "Transformers One." I would be surprised about two hours later.

This is the all-new, fully animated origin story of Optimus Prime and Megatron, the two most popular characters from the "Transformers" universe. I know that they are the two most popular characters from the "Transformers" universe, because someone had to tell me that.

Let me preface this by saying that I do not know, like, or care about the "Transformers" universe at all. I never played with the toys, I never watched the animated TV series, and with the exception of "Bumblebee," I have pretty much HATED every single, stupid Michael Bay-produced "Transformers" movie. So, I'm clearly not the target audience for this particular movie.

Having said that, this is a beautifully animated movie that looks stunning, has many exciting action sequences, some really charming characters, and a few really big laughs. Now, I had no idea what the hell was going on for much of the running time, but I enjoyed myself while I was confused.

The very impressive line-up of actors providing the voices in this film include Chris Hemsworth (as Optimus Prime), Brian Tyree Henry (as Megatron), Scarlett Johansson, Keegan-Michael Key, Steve Buscemi, Laurence Fishburne, Jon Hamm, James Remar and Vanessa Liguori. Their voicework is absolutely outstanding, rich, very funny, and at times, quite moving.

While the actors' voice work in this movie help bring the characters to life, the wonderful and expressive animation does the rest, and the result is top-notch.

The director here is Josh Cooley, who directed "Toy Story 4" and has worked on (and provided voices for) such terrific movies as "Up," "Inside Out," and many Pixar inspired video games. He does a really wonderful job keeping things moving, dropping in jokes, and providing lovely visuals in almost every scene. He's a very smart, efficient and skilled animation director, and this is a fine piece of work.

Of course, I still didn't know what the hell was going on half the time, and there were several moments during the film where the rest of the crowd guffawed or cheered at something happening on screen that went right over my head, but that's cool, this movie was made for those folks, not me....but, yeah, I liked it. - ⭐️⭐️⭐️

2) WOLFS

Brad Pitt and George Clooney sleep their way through the dull Apple+ film "Wolfs."

George Clooney and Brad Pitt play two professional "fixers" who are separately summoned to clean up and cover up a high-profile crime. When they both arrive on the scene they are forced, by their boss, to work together to get the job done. When the dead body that they are supposed to make disappear suddenly comes to life, their night spirals out of control complete with arguments, chases, shoot-outs, and revelations that could change their lives.

Jon Watts, director of the three Tom Holland "Spider-Man" movies, is the writer and director of "Wolfs," and he fails almost entirely in both departments.

The script is derivative, not nearly as clever as it thinks it is, and is, impossibly, both overstuffed and underdeveloped at the same time. Watts' direction is cliched, forced and completely unimaginative...so, exactly like his work on the "Spider-Man" movies.

The action scenes are dull and stiff (particularly a truly annoying and endless foot/car chase that goes on forever, but goes absolutely nowhere), and the dynamics between the characters are so underdeveloped that Watts completely relies on the charm of the actors to carry the entire film.

The actors are charming, but in the case of Clooney and Pitt, they absolutely know it and smugly wink their way through the entire running time. These are two incredibly lazy performances that consist almost entirely of smirks, double-takes and bits that they have done thousands of times in any number of "Ocean's" movies.

While Clooney and Pitt lethargically coast their asses off, it's the supporting cast that actually does some acting. The always reliable Amy Ryan is really terrific as the politician who needs the sticky situation to disappear. Poorna Jagannathan is funny and smart as the underworld doctor who secretly stitches up the wounded.

But it is Austin Abrams, as the kid who comes to life and complicates the whole job, who is really wonderful and adds some very grounded and much-needed gravitas to the proceedings. His monologue explaining the backstory of his character and the great night that he was having before he almost died, is easily the highlight of the film.

This is an Apple+ film, and is only in theaters for a week before you can just stay home and watch it from your couch. I suggest that you stay home and watch it from your couch...but even then, I wouldn't really recommend it. - ⭐️1/2

3) THE SUBSTANCE

Writer/director Coralie Fargeat's feminist body-horror satire is about a fading actress in her 50's (Demi Moore) who is forced out of her of once-popular exercise show by her boss (the insanely over-the-top Dennis Quaid) because she's too old and not hot anymore. After a horrible car accident lands her in the hospital, she hears about a black market drug called "The Substance" that promises youth and a "brand new you."

Desperate to be younger and more attractive, she tries the drug and an actual "brand new" her (Margaret Qualley) rips out of her body and there are now two actresses (one old, one young) vying for attention.

The plot gets much more complicated than that, and I won't get into it now, let's just say that all kinds of disgusting, gross, over-the-top craziness occurs with the simple message that men are assholes, Hollywood is shallow, and women are looked at and treated like objects.

This is, of course, an important and valid message, but it's not a particularly new one, and despite the loud, outrageous, and messy way it's handled in this movie, there is really no new ground covered. We have seen this story many, many times.

Now, on the simple level of repellent make-up effects and body horror tropes, it works magnificently, and has some of the best practical latex effects this side of John Carpenter's "The Thing."

Fargeat clearly wants to evoke the spirit of Carpenter, and of course David Cronenberg and other experts in the body horror genre, and she does that very, very well. In fact, the last half hour of this film is a non-stop exhibition of gaping wounds, gushing sores, disgusting transformations and spraying blood, while also feeling like the prom scene from "Carrie" and the climax of "Videodrome."

So, the gross-out stuff is a blast and the FX are terrific. The problem is in the one-note screenplay and the simplistic message that gets hammered over your head for a very long 142 minutes.

It's certainly not the cast's fault. Moore is terrific and bares her soul (and body) in a role that she clearly loves, and Qualley continues to be one of the best, bravest, and craziest actresses working today, and her work here is also brave, funny, and baring as well.

This was one of my most anticipated films of the year, and all of my colleagues who had already seen it kept saying that I would lose my mind and LOVE it! Well, maybe expectations were a little too high, because I didn't lose my mind, and I didn't love it. But I am recommending it because of the great performances and outrageous repulsiveness.

It's fun! But, don't yell at me if you end up leaving halfway through... I did warn you. - ⭐️⭐️⭐️

4) NEVER LET GO

Advertising Alexandre Aja's beautifully crafted, impeccably directed new film as a horror flick in which Halle Berry protects her two kids from some zombie-like creatures roaming in the woods, is a much easier way to sell the movie than telling the public what it actually is: a deeply disturbing, bold, and terrifying fable about family trauma passed down from generation to generation.

It is also an allegory of bad parenting, neglect, and child abuse disguised as a gag-filled shocker with a hot actress in the lead role. In other words, there's A LOT more going on here than meets the eye.

I'm not going to go into the details of the plot, but as it unfolds it gets darker and darker, and goes to places that not many big commercial horror movies have gone to lately.

Sure it has some cool gore, creepy make-up effects, fabulously executed jump-scares, and all of the other elements you'd find in the best of Aja's work (he is, after all, one of the best horror directors of the past 25 years), but at its core, this thing is a deeply affecting work that I couldn't stop thinking about long after the heartbreaking (and darkly hilarious) final line is delivered.

Anchored by solid work from Berry, and featuring two outstanding performances by 

Anthony B. Jenkins and Percy Daggs IV as her two young sons, the film also takes a brave and shocking turn about halfway through that comes out of nowhere and works brilliantly.

Like much of Aja's work, this film will probably be dismissed or misunderstood, especially since it's opening on the same day as the most overrated horror film of the fall (see above), and that's a damn shame, because this is a terrific movie. - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1/2

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CAPSULE MOVIE REVIEWS: 8-30-24

I have returned to wearing my Film Critic pants for some capsule (short) movie reviews of five New Releases for the week of Friday, August 30th, 2024.

1) REAGAN

Dennis Quaid giving perhaps the worst performance of his career in "Reagan."

A jaw-droppingly disingenuous piece of propaganda disguised as a biography, this horrendous, incompetently made nonsense exists only to make the late former president look like a saint.

Dennis Quaid (what the hell happened to Dennis Quaid??) plays Ronald Reagan in a performance between bad impersonation (it reminded me a lot of Johnny Carson's absurd take on Reagan) and blind hero worship. It certainly isn't a real performance of any kind, as it is completely devoid of any nuance, complexity, or depth. Still, it's consistent with the tone of this entire sad, misguided project.

Inexplicably told from the point of view of a fictionalized KGB agent (played hilariously by the insane Jon Voight), this movie tells Reagan's well-known story from his childhood to his career as an actor, his time as Governor of California and his years as President of the United States. It includes highlights that only make Reagan look good and mainly focuses on Reagan's attempts to destroy Communism.

Along the way, the movie gifts us with many strange, unintentionally funny moments mixed in with some deeply offensive portrayals of people (including the Berkeley protestors of 1969, any pro-union characters, and the "evil" press) and specifically chosen situations that make Ronnie look great.

Huge chunks of his questionable legacy are conveniently left out. There is no mention of his horrific handling of the AIDS crisis, the disastrous effects of his trickle-down economics, or anything else that may make the former President look like anything less than a god.

Aside from the movie's questionable politics and a relentless Christian agenda, it's just plain BAD.

The acting ranges from tired and uninspired to downright embarrassing (Scott Stapp, from the rock group Creed, appears as Frank Sinatra — yeah, enough said). The technical aspect of the film is a joke. The weird mix of real archival footage and unfocused re-creation makes the whole enterprise look like a bad FOX News TV special, and that's kind of what it is.

This is truly as bad as it gets. Zero Stars

2) 1992

The late Ray Liotta leads a group on a heist in his final film "1992."

This heist thriller/social drama takes place on April 29, 1992, the day of the Rodney King verdict, and tells the stories of two separate father/son relationships amid the chaos of L.A. during the riots.

Tyrese Gibson is the main character, and the film follows his attempts to keep his teenage son on the straight-and-narrow while a group of thieves plan a heist that will inevitably involve them.

There's a lot of yelling, passionate speechifying, shootouts, and emotional reflection, but it all really adds up to nothing but recycled dramatics and tired tropes.

Gibson rises above the material and gives a pretty decent performance. Since this is the great Ray Liotta's last film, there is a morbid curiosity in watching his scenes, but the varying elements never come together.

The film does have its heart in the right place and ultimately has a positive message, but it's a pretty long slog to get there. ⭐️⭐️

3) SLINGSHOT

Laurence Fishburne plays one of three astronauts dealing with years of space travel in the thriller "Slingshot."

Here's the deal: this is basically a break-up movie disguised as a science fiction thriller mixed with a psychological space opera and a special effects extravaganza...but it's a breakup movie.

Casey Affleck, Laurence Fishburne, and Tomer Capone star as a trio of astronauts who are on a years-long journey to Saturn's moon of Titan. They must deal with being in space for years while trying to handle a series of maneuvers that will get them to their destination.

Affleck's character begins to lose his grip on reality (and has some serious ex-girlfriend issues and visions), which causes tensions and complications in the mission. Everything else that happens is either a fantasy or a reality; it's up to you to figure that out.

I stopped caring pretty early in this deeply flawed and poorly paced mess that, despite Fishburne and Affleck's best efforts, none of it really works at all. It also doesn't help that this film will inevitably be compared to such incredible work as "Solaris," "Ad Astra," and "Interstellar," and it definitely doesn't hold a candle to those movies. ⭐️1/2

4) THE WASP

Naomie Harris (in the background) and Natalie Dormer give outstanding performances in the solid new thriller "The Wasp."

The less said about the plot of this thriller, the better. It stars the terrific duo of Naomie Harris and Natalie Dormer, who play childhood friends reconnecting in an attempt to solve their very big marital and personal problems through a series of secret (and illegal) meetings and actions.

Again, I won't give anything away, but despite a few missteps here and there and more than a few familiar plot twists, this thing really works. The tension builds nicely, and there are some genuinely shocking moments that kick the film into gear exactly when it needs to be kicked into gear.

Expertly directed by the very talented Guillem Morales (whose outstanding 2010 thriller "Julia's Eyes" is a wildly entertaining and underappreciated gem), "The Wasp" builds beautifully to a surprise ending that I didn't see coming and leaves a nasty but fun taste in the mouth.

The real draw here, though, is the two lead portrayals by Harris and Dormer. It's a truly great pair of performances that carry the movie along brilliantly and keep the audience hanging on every word and gesture they provide. Funny, sharp, and sometimes scary, these actresses give huge weight to the material and basically kick ass in every scene. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

5) AFRAID

Horror production studio Blumhouse's latest supernatural exercise about AI is "Afraid."

Production studio Blumhouse, which mostly produces horror films, has a hit-or-miss list of credits that includes good films like "Get Out," "The Invisible Man," "Hush," and, inexplicably, "Whiplash." But they are also responsible for such nonsense as the "Paranormal Activity" series, the "Purge" movies, the "Halloween" reboot and sequels, and the "Insidious" and "Sinister" chapters. So, yeah, it's a mixed bag at best.

Blumhouse's latest entry, "AFRAID," is yet another attempt to do a horror take on AI technology (like they did last year with the killer doll movie "M3GAN"). Even though it was hidden from the press and not screened for the critics (which is usually a terrible sign), it's really not a bad movie.

Briefly, John Cho and Katherine Waterston (a pair of actors that I really love) play a successful couple with three kids who volunteer to have an experimental new AI assistant installed in their home, and of course, all hell breaks loose.

The movie starts terrifically with a clever, surprisingly funny setup and hits all the right beats.

Once the creepy "AIA" (as she is called) begins to infiltrate every part of the family's lives and ultimately causes death, mayhem, and the appearance of dead parents and armed lunatics, the movie loses all focus.

The major problem is that this film has very clearly been tampered with, and someone (the studio presumably) cut the shit out of this thing, leaving a flimsy 83-minute running time (including a long final credits roll) with plot holes the size of Texas left intact. There must be a two-hour version of this movie that is quite good and is a potent satire of our modern zeitgeist.

What's left in this cut are a few strong performances (my boy David Dastmalchian shows up to chew up some scenery beautifully), a couple of cool scares, and a bunch of huge laughs at the expense of annoying modern technology that is pretty insightful satire.

Also, no one told me that Keith Carradine is in this thing!!!! Hell YEAH!

Written and directed by Chris Weitz, the man behind "American Pie," "About a Boy," "The Golden Compass" and the Chris Rock comedy "Down to Earth," this unlikely horror film from a guy who doesn't make horror films is surprisingly effective, but primarily for its comedic content. Judging by his other work, that really shouldn't be a surprise.

I can't really recommend "AFRAID," but it's better than I expected it to be, and one day, I hope we get to see Weitz's full version because that's a movie we need at this time. ⭐️⭐️

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