When Directors Get Weird

Legendary director Francis Ford Coppola, you know, the guy who directed "The Godfather," "The Conversation," "Apocalypse Now," etc., released a movie called "Megalopolis" this past weekend, and it has divided critics and audiences alike.

Most people absolutely hate it, some people (like myself) absolutely love it, but everyone can agree that it is weird—very weird.

Coppola is not the only filmmaker to get weird, so in honor of Coppola's weird movie and how much fun it is to get weird sometimes, I'm writing a little post about the times that other mainstream/successful directors got weird.

The directors I have chosen for this list are very successful, critically adored filmmakers. Many of these directors have won Oscars, some are absolute legends, and all have made beloved and cherished movies. But they also have made at least one weird movie or are responsible for some really weird projects.

Maybe they had to get it out of their system; perhaps it was just a big paycheck, or maybe it was deeply personal work (like Coppola's) that they just HAD to make. Whatever the reasons, the list you are about to peruse is filled with some bizarre shit.

TOP 10 TIMES THAT MOVIE DIRECTORS GOT WEIRD (in no particular order):

1) BAD TASTE

I'm easing into this list by starting with a director who actually spent a lot of time being weird in the early part of his career.

Before Peter Jackson went mainstream with The Lord of the Rings films, King Kong, The Hobbit movies, and his Beatles documentaries, he was a certified weirdo. Stuff like the insane and disgusting puppet comedy Meet the Feebles, the gore-filled madness of Dead Alive, and the deeply disturbing but beautiful Heavenly Creatures existed before he took his almost 20-year trip to Middle Earth and practically never returned.

The movie that I have chosen to focus on is his brilliant and batshit crazy low-budget gore-fest called, appropriately enough, "Bad Taste." It is also his first feature film, and, I think, one of his very best (it is certainly better than all of his "Hobbit" movies combined).

Made on a shoestring budget in his homeland of New Zealand, this extremely grimy, gross, and hilarious horror/comedy is about aliens coming to Earth to eat humans. That's it. It's an exercise in excess, loaded with crazy make-up effects, tons of spurting blood and goo, and more disgusting laughs than you will find in any horror comedy for the last decade.

People who are only familiar with Jackson's adventures with gallivanting hobbits, dwarves, and elves are in for a rude awakening when they watch this late '80s testament to bad taste, but it's all in the title.

2) TOYS

Robin Williams is weird in Barry Levinson's "Toys."

Barry Levinson started as a mainstream screenwriter (who often wrote with his very talented ex-wife Valerie Curtain) and graduated to directing in the early 80's. He directed stuff like "Diner," "The Natural," "Young Sherlock Holmes," "Good Morning Vietnam," and others. He won an Academy Award for directing "Rain Man," which is as dull and mainstream a movie as you get.

After he won that Oscar, Levinson had a lot of power, and he was finally able to make a movie out of a long-gested script that Levinson and Curtain had written years earlier. The result is the 1992 Robin Williams starring vehicle "Toys," which is one of the most irritating, self-indulgent messes to ever come out of Hollywood (by the way, I am fully aware that those are also the exact words that people have used to describe "Megalopolis.").

It's about a toy company whose employees and supporters rebel against the powers that be because the owners force them to make toys of war. Yes, it's that simplistic and obvious in its metaphors, and yes, it's as heavy-handed as it sounds. It is also as loud and obnoxious a film as you will ever experience, anchored by one of Williams' most incredibly annoying performances of all time (and that's saying A LOT).

Levinson assembled a remarkable cast for this thing (look it up; you will be stunned) and spent millions of dollars to bring his crazy vision to life. The sets, costumes, and production design are over-the-top and eye-popping, and the massive swings in style and tone are jarring and confusing.

Including video (and video parody) seems completely dated and out of place, and the overall visual style is a mess. The whole movie is a complete mess. It is also weird, but not "good weird." Bad weird.

I remember sitting next to beloved radio/TV personality and entertainment critic (and my hero/mentor) Roy Leonard during the press screening of this thing. When the film was over, Roy turned to me and said, "Well, that was a complete waste of two hours. What the hell was that?!?!" I've been trying to figure that out for the last 32 years.

3) BEOWULF

Robert Zemeckis is one of cinema's most significant, innovative, and influential filmmakers. He is much more than just some hugely successful Oscar-winning creator of simple, crowd-pleasing box office hits, leaving that unremarkable stuff to Spielberg.

Zemeckis is a true cinematic artist. His films are often complex, subversive, and wildly misunderstood ("Forrest Gump," among others, is a prime example). Always on the cutting edge of technology for over 40 years, he has pushed the art and creation of film forward by leaps and bounds more than any other American director.

He is also ridiculously underappreciated as a true auteur and should be regularly mentioned in the same breath as Welles, Hitchcock, Truffaut, Kurosawa, Scorsese, etc.  He is an absolute giant.

My favorite Zemeckis quote is from an interview with director Robert Rodriguez. When asked what was the true challenge of being a film director, he said: "You gotta be able to put your dick on the window sill." Indeed.

Well, Zemeckis has never put his dick on the window sill more crazily than when he adapted (along with Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary) an epic Old English poem that no one understood or could even get through when it was taught in school. Not only did he successfully make sense of the unwieldy thing, he turned it into a blazing, outrageously entertaining 2-hour-motion-capture-animated-action-film that blew the doors off of every IMAX 3-D auditorium it played in.

In addition to being a remarkable technical achievement that pushed animation to new heights, the movie is also certifiably, blissfully, and gorgeously insane. Easily the best work that Zemeckis did during his seven-year experimental phase in the world of motion capture, it is also one of the ballsiest films he has ever made and yet another incredible piece of work from a true master of cinema.... and it's really f**king weird.

4) BUDDY BUDDY

Even the graphics in the trailer for "Buddy Buddy" were weird.

What can be said about the amazing Billy Wilder that has yet to be said? He is one of the greatest screenwriters to ever sit down at a typewriter, one of the best filmmakers in the medium's history, and an artist of singular talent responsible for some of the most important, enduring films ever made.

From time to time, Wilder got weird: "Fedora," "Avanti!," "One, Two, Three," and my favorite Wilder movie of all time, "Ace in the Hole," are all pretty damn weird. But no Billy Wilder movie approaches his film "Buddy Buddy" on the weirdness scale.

The third film in which Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau co-starred under Wilder's direction is a simple farce (based on the French play by Francis Veber) about a mafia hitman (Matthau) attempting to murder a target from a hotel room. However, he is constantly interrupted by the suicidal dope (Lemmon) in the room next door. Soon, the dope and the hitman team up, and the results are, well, weird. And not very funny.

When I first saw this film in 1981, I hated it, absolutely hated it; I could not believe that this was a Billy Wilder movie. I thought it was terrible on every level: it was ugly, the tech credits were all subpar, and the actors were either phoning it in (Paula Prentiss), or relying on bad accents (Matthau), or resorting to twitchy gimmicks (Lemmon), or just going completely nuts (Klaus Kinski, whose performance as a sex therapist has got to be seen to be believed). It was a nightmare.

Now, as the years have gone by, I have learned to love this ridiculous movie and appreciate its wild style, unruly antics, and sometimes indefensible moments. At times, it feels like "anti-cinema," and somehow, it seems appropriate because it was Wilder's last film.

5) BREEZY

Clint Eastwood is one of the greatest American filmmakers of all time. He has directed over 40 movies, so of course, there are some weird ones in there, like "Jersey Boys," "J. Edgar," "Blood Work," and "The Rookie." But, without question, the weirdest (and most uncomfortable) film Eastwood ever directed was his third movie, "Breezy."

Luckily, "Breezy," from 1973, was released the same year as the excellent "High Plains Drifter," which is why no one remembers it...thank God.

I'll just describe the plot to you, and that's all you'll need to hear. William Holden stars as a divorced, middle-aged real estate agent who picks up a teenage hitchhiker (Kay Lenz, who was 18 when the film was shot but looked 14), and they begin a forbidden love affair. Yeah, it's not only weird, it's creepy.

Quick side note: In Paul Thomas Anderson's 2021 masterpiece Licorice Pizza, which is partially about Hollywood in the early 1970s, there is a scene in which Alana Haim's character auditions for a movie. That movie is supposed to be Breezy, and Sean Penn is basically playing William Holden.

6) MICHAEL JACKSON'S BAD VIDEO

So, inexplicably, Martin Scorsese directed the ridiculous video for weirdo Michael Jackson's idiotic song "Bad."

That's all. Here it is:

7) A.I. ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

This is as close to weird as the decidedly unweird Steven Spielberg has ever gotten, and the results are pretty weird and pretty awful.

Steven Spielberg gets weird with "A.I. Artificial Intelligence."

This was originally going to be a Stanley Kubrick film after he bought the rights to the book in the 1970s, but it languished while Kubrick pondered other projects and made more interesting films.

Somehow, it wound up in Spielberg's willing lap. He shot the film in 2000, and it was released in the summer of 2001. Haley Joel Osment plays a robot kid who has been programmed with the ability to love. The supporting cast includes Sam Robards, William Hurt, Brendan Gleeson, Frances O'Connor, and Jude Law as a robot named Gigolo Joe.

It's a tortuous experience that contains so many of Spielberg's terrible tendencies (and he has A LOT of terrible tendencies) and tropes that any trace of Kubrick is nowhere to be found. Ironically, Spielberg's next movie, the outstanding (and also pretty weird) "Minority Report" was MUCH more Kubrickian than this nonsense.

No matter how weird this movie gets, and it gets pretty weird, it's all forced, stiff, and incredibly uneven, and I'm absolutely convinced that Kubrick would have hated it.

8) PHOBIA

The worst (and weirdest) movie that John Huston ever directed: "Phobia."

Without question, this is the legendary John Huston's worst (and weirdest) movie. Get this: it stars Paul Michael Glaser (yeah, Starsky of "Starsky and Hutch") as a psychiatrist whose radical experiments and treatments come under suspicion when his patients start getting murdered in the style of their own phobias.

This is utter trash on every level. It was released during the slasher craze of the early 80s and shot in that style and with that amount of intelligence. Huston was blatantly taking the check with this nonsense and dutifully provided the proper shocks and idiotic twists for whatever audience this thing was made for.

I remember seeing this movie in the theater when it was released and just laughing my ass off at almost every scene. The plot gets weirder and weirder as the running time creeps along, and each phobia-based kill is increasingly ridiculous until it reaches the unintentionally hilarious climax.

Huston would follow this nonsense up with a couple of other weird ones: the hilarious Nazi/soccer/P.O.W./prison escape classic "Victory," with Sly Stallone, Michael Caine, and Pele, and the unfortunate and awful film adaptation of the Broadway musical "Annie."

Thank God he would return to greatness for his final three films, "Under the Volcano," "Prizzi's Honor," and "The Dead."

9) THE WIZ

How Sidney Lumet, the director of stuff like "Serpico," "12 Angry Men," "Dog Day Afternoon," "Prince of the City," and "Network," ended up directing this lifeless, ineptly staged film adaptation of the 1974 Broadway musical is anybody's guess.

He probably wanted to stretch his wings and prove that he could do any genre, under any circumstances, with any cast, and he did just that. The result is a disaster of biblical proportions.

A cast of very talented people, including Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Nipsey Russell, Ted Ross, Richard Pryor, Lena Horne, and more, were either completely inexperienced or incredibly miscast in every single role.

Nothing in this movie works, and despite having some memorable/hit songs featured on the soundtrack, it's a reasonably awful movie musical that is a chore to sit through. And, yeah, it's really, really weird.

10) THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL

To be fair, George Lucas did not direct this legendarily awful TV special (Steve Binder did) and was not on set when it was shot, but he did create it, produce it, and co-write it. He has since not only distanced himself from this crap, but he had it removed from archives and all but made sure that it was never seen after its first airing in November of 1978.

Mark Hamill looking appropriately insane.

The plot involves Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Chewbacca's family of Wookiees (Malla, Lumpy, and Itchy) trying to celebrate their holiday Life Day while the Empire attacks and pursues them. Crazy battle scenes, confrontations, and appearances by Luke Skywalker, Princess Leah, Darth Vader, C3PO, and R2-D2 are all on display.

Oh yeah, there are also wacky bits, variety show acts, comedy routines, and musical numbers performed by visibly bored (or possibly drunk) performers like Bea Arthur, Dianne Carroll, Art Carney, and Harvey Korman, all in ridiculous costumes and wigs. Oh, wait. I almost forgot to mention Jefferson Starship's rocking appearance!

Yeah, that's Bea Arthur.

Art Carney, who must have lost a bet.

Harvey Korman, lost without Tim Conway.

This insanity also features rocking performance by Jefferson Starship!!

It is so awful that Lucas ensured it never aired again, was never released on home video, and was legally hidden from the public. However, bootleg copies abound (that's how I saw it), copied and traded worldwide, and the special has since become a classic of trash and weirdness.

It really has to be seen to be believed, and some people like it because it contains the first ever appearance by Boba Fett in the "Star Wars" universe, so I guess that's supposed to be cool. I dunno.

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Top 5 Jerry Lewis Movies of All Time

The "Legendary Jerry" Collection of movies. My Top 5 Jerry Lewis Movies are included in this outstanding package.

Today, we are celebrating Labor Day nationwide by spending time with family and friends at BBQs, having fun outside as the summer ends, and reflecting on American workers' accomplishments.

Growing up, I celebrated Labor Day by doing all of those things, but the most important part of every Labor Day Weekend was, without question, “The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon.”

I watched the telethon religiously every Labor Day Weekend for over thirty years. I looked forward to every year, and I loved it. My love for the telethon only grew as the years went by because my love for Jerry Lewis grew as I got older.

Jerry’s last telethon was in 2010, and even though the event continued for a few years after Jerry’s departure, it was never the same. As a result, the telethon was canceled in 2015, and Labor Day has never been the same.

Now, I could write an entire post simply about “The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon,” and it would be very lengthy, but because Jerry is always on my mind at this time of year, I’ve chosen to write about Jerry Lewis’ best movies here.

Let me preface this by saying I adore Jerry Lewis…. truly adore the man. I loved him when I was a kid watching his goofy movies and his crazy antics on TV and laughing my butt off. Then, I loved him even more as I grew older and learned more about the artist behind the antics.

Jerry Lewis was not only a gloriously talented entertainer, comedian, host, actor, and clown, but he was also easily one of the best and most important filmmakers in cinema's history.

His contributions and innovations to the world of film are huge. The man INVENTED the video playback system that every filmmaker on the planet uses and has used for decades, and that’s just one of the things he accomplished.

A cool note from Jerry Lewis that is included in The "Legendary Jerry" Collection.

Like Chaplin and Keaton before him, he was an extraordinary writer/director/actor whose films were not only consistently brilliant but also influenced a massive number of brilliant directors, including Martin Scorsese, Paul Thomas Anderson, Robert Altman, Francis Ford Coppola, David Lynch, and Pedro Almodovar.

In short, the French were right.

I put together a list of my five favorite Jerry Lewis movies with a few stipulations. I only included films that he not only starred in but also directed, which means GREAT movies like “The King of Comedy,” “Funny Bones,” “Arizona Dream,” “Cinderfella,” “Rock-a-Bye Baby,” and “Who’s Minding the Store” (the last three directed by the brilliant Frank Tashlin) are not included.

Also not included are the films he did with his partner Dean Martin. Some of them, like “Sailor Beware,” “Scared Stiff,” “Money from Home,” “Living it Up,” and ESPECIALLY “Artists and Models” and “Hollywood or Bust,” are extraordinary.

So, with that in mind, here is my list of The Top 5 Best Jerry Lewis Movies of All Time (in order of preference):

1) THE NUTTY PROFESSOR

This is Jerry’s masterpiece, plain and simple. It’s his most personal film and one of his most experimental, with wildly original camera work, stunning photography, and superb editing that echo the work of French New Wave directors like Godard, Rivette, and Melville. It is also as brutally funny as a movie can get.

It’s Lewis’ version of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” But instead of becoming a physically repulsive beast, the nerdy professor transforms into a suave, confident, and handsome ladies’ man who is just as nasty as Mr. Hyde (perhaps even worse), and even more dangerous.

Loaded with a ton of hilarious scenes and the very funny sight gags you’d expect from Lewis, this movie also contains some truly disturbing moments in which Lewis confronts his demons as a split personality and egotistical control freak.

Some interpret the evil “Buddy Love” character as a slam against his former partner, Dean (and there is a sliver of truth to that). Still, it is really Jerry exposing himself to the audience and doing some serious self-reflection and soul-searching. It’s a stunningly honest piece of work that not only makes you laugh but also makes you squirm.

Eddie Murphy's surprisingly good remake from 1996 is fun, but it's not even in the same ballpark as Lewis' film because the original remains one of the best American films ever made.

2) THE PATSY

Personally, this is my favorite Jerry Lewis movie of all time… but I had to put “The Nutty Professor” at number one.

In “The Patsy,” Jerry plays a bellhop who a heartless group of Hollywood insiders recruits to replace a recently deceased entertainer and be groomed to become a star despite being a bumbling idiot with no discernible talent.

What follows is a blistering satire of Hollywood, the music business, and television that can stand proudly next to “Wag the Dog” or “The Player." Truthfully, it’s better than both of those movies combined.

It also features an incredible cast that includes Everett Sloan, Phil Harris, Keenan Wynn, Peter Lorre, John Carradine, Hans Conried (who is featured in the film’s most hilarious scene), Richard Deacon, Scatman Crothers, Nancy Kulp, Neil Hamilton, with cameos (as themselves) by Hedda Hopper, George Raft, Mel Torme, Ed Wynn, Rhonda Fleming, and The Four Step Brothers.

Yeah, it’s pretty amazing.

This is the Jerry Lewis movie that makes me laugh harder than any of his other films. From the beginning (with an extended bit involving ice cubes that segues into the funniest opening credits sequence ever filmed) to the end, “The Patsy” is just hilarious, and it’s the film that I go back to the most when I want to laugh.

3) THE LADIES MAN

Simple set-up, extraordinary execution.

Jerry plays Herbert H. Heebert, a young man who loses his girlfriend, swears off romance, and takes a job at a woman-only boarding house, and insanity ensues.

Many things make this movie special, from the beautifully executed sight gags to the corny but wonderful message of acceptance (the true recurring theme of most of Lewis’ work) to the great use of music (another strength in Jerry’s movies) and more.

But it’s the technical achievements and innovations utilized during the production that make this one a real standout.

The video playback unit was invented on the set of this film (although he used a primitive fly-by-night version on “The Bellboy”), and speaking of sets, the set for “The Ladies Man” is one of the most complicated, expensive, and impressive ever built.

The set consisted of a four-story dollhouse-like interior with a central courtyard in front so that Lewis could choreograph elaborate crane shots and stage sequences of stunning complexity. It was 177 feet deep, 154 feet wide, and 36 feet high. At the time, it was the largest and most expensive set ever built on the Paramount studio lot.

The result of all of this work was not only absolutely hilarious but breathtaking to watch…. it’s also just ridiculously funny.

4) THE ERRAND BOY

Very similar to “The Patsy” in that it’s a potent Hollywood satire (only in black and white), this movie stars Jerry as a goofy wallpaper hanger hired by the cheap head of a studio to spy on his employees. What follows is basically a series of sight gags, jokes, and sketches that are all incredibly funny and smart.

There are HUGE laughs in this film, including a classic bit in which Jerry pretends to be leading a meeting in a large empty boardroom. He lights a cigar, acts like a big Hollywood honcho, and mimes the entire meeting, which is choreographed with the incredible big band score of Walter Schaffer. It’s magic.

“The Errand Boy” is also a great example of Lewis’ trademark use of his “holding for a laugh” style of comedy, in that he will take his sweet time with a gag and wait very long to hit the punchline. There are many examples of this style throughout this film and in his other films.

Jerry was known for his persistence in getting a laugh, meaning that if a gag didn’t work (on stage, on TV, or in a movie), he would MAKE it work. He was known for doing absolutely nothing until an audience would finally laugh. Sometimes, it took forever, but he’d go through with it—ballsy, brazen, genius.

5) THE BELLBOY

This film, his directorial debut, was a truly important one for many, many reasons.

He consulted Charlie Chaplin and Stan Laurel, who gave him sound advice on filming and working in pantomime (Lewis’ character never speaks in the film). Jerry also talked to Hitchcock and his old friend Frank Tashlin for encouragement. And it worked.

The video assist system that would officially be named on the set of “The Ladies Man” was experimented with here, as was the use of long takes, simple single camera setups, and efficient lighting design to make the shots quick.

Lewis famously shot this film over a few weeks at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Florida while performing in the hotel's main room. He would film during the day, perform live at night, and not sleep at all.

It was an exhausting shoot that took a lot out of Lewis and was just as challenging for his co-stars and co-producers, who were convinced he would never be able to do it.

But he did it…. under budget, ahead of schedule—and it was an enormous hit. It secured his future as a director/auteur/producer and hotshot in Hollywood for years to come.

“The Bellboy” is also an unbelievably funny movie that moves from one brilliant gag to the next with barely any time to breathe between bits. Lewis’ performance is at the next level, and the execution of the gags is stunning. There are so many classic moments in this movie that it’s impossible to narrow it down to just a few (Jerry showing up in a dual role as himself is one of my favorite stretches in the film), so let’s say that “The Bellboy” is a laugh-riot from beginning to end and the auspicious start of a remarkable directorial career.

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"DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE" - As Bad As Bad Movies Get...Only Worse.

(Although I hated every single frame of "Deadpool & Wolverine," I wouldn't spoil it for anyone who wants to flush their $15 down the toilet by seeing it. So, NO SPOILERS)

Look, if you know me, or have followed me for any given amount time, you know that I couldn't possibly care less about comic book movies. You can take your DC's, and your Marvel's, and all of your Universes, and pretty much keep them. I just don't care.

I can count on one hand the truly great films that have come out of those genres/worlds, and maybe another hand to count the films that are just good, and that's about it.

I find most of them to be mediocre entertainment at best, idiotic nonsense at worst, and absolutely cynical, money grubbing rip-offs, ALL the time.

Figuring out ways to suck more money from people's wallets seem to be the only reason these things exist. Characters get killed off and brought back, timelines get mixed up and changed, solely to make sure the suckers come back for the next installment.

I realize that this is a common practice in comic books, but it doesn't make it good, or justify the insanely lazy writing and lousy film making. I absolutely agree with filmmakers like Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, Jodie Foster, and many more, who have likened these movies to soulless theme park rides, that come directly off of conveyor belts, and not from any true cinematic expression.

This has been an accepted criticism of these types of movies for a while, and in some way to blatantly confront the criticisms and clichés of these movies, along comes the Deadpool character and movies.

From my seat at the press screening of "Deadpool & Wolverine." At this point the dread I felt was palpable ....and I wasn't wrong.

This smartass alter-ego of human Wade Wilson, has regenerative healing powers, superhuman strength, and master marksman skills, and was created for the comics in 1991. Deadpool has slowly become a rebel who makes running commentary about the very things I just mentioned.

After a few cameos and appearances in other films, Deadpool finally got his own movie franchise featuring the predominantly annoying, always smug, Ryan Reynolds, as the modern anti-hero who breaks the fourth wall and makes jokes directly to the audience.

Your fondness for this character depends almost entirely on your patience with the gimmick, your tolerance of Reynolds, and your appreciation of the humor.

Well, I possess NONE of those things: I think the gimmick is tired and lame, I can't stand Reynolds, and, simply put, the shit isn't funny.

But, people (inexplicably) love this stuff, which is why we are now being subjected to a third Deadpool movie, and in this one, they drag Wolverine into the mess.

Here's me at the "L" stop before the screening....

Ryan Reynolds (who is now a producer, and one of the six writers...yes, it actually took SIX people to write this garbage) returns to spout more wanna-be-snappy, giggly, dirty little one-liners that acknowledge the flaws, the clichés, and plots of the MCU, all while winking at the camera, and trying to execute the very crap he is making fun of.

Well, you can't have your cake and it eat too, especially when the cake is spoiled and over-baked.

The desired shock you are supposed to feel when Deadpool rips apart Disney, or Fox, or the MCU (or actors' previous roles, real-life relationships, etc.) NEVER happens because:

1. The material isn't remotely funny.

2. The level of the humor never rises above the second grade

3. Reynolds is one of the most annoying actors to ever be on camera

4. It's incredibly lazy nonsense that wore out it's welcome about 10 minutes into the first movie. Unfortunately, there were about two hours that followed that 10 minutes, and there have now been two long, desperate movies after that.

Hugh Jackman shows up, and gets a paycheck. He does try, but even an incredibly gifted performer like Jackman can do absolutely nothing with this horrible material and seems stranded in snark-land with Reynolds and his cohorts, who include director Shawn Levy.

Levy is one of the worst, soulless, and least talented directors of Hollywood slop that has ever existed (his pathetic credits include: "Free Guy," the "Night at The Museum" movies, "The Internship," "Date Night," "The Pink Panther" (w/Steve Martin), "Cheaper by the Dozen," "Just Married,"...I could go on, but I won't), and his handling of the leaden humor, is almost as terrible as his handling of the special-effects-laden action scenes, which are inept, uninteresting, repetitive and painful.

A TON of cameos and surprise visits from Marvel (and Fox) characters don't help at all, and just feel forced, sad, and in most cases, dull as hell. Lots of people show up in this thing, and it all bombs...HARD.

The plot, which is openly mocked while also trying to be sincere (again, you can't have your cake and eat it too, folks) is secondary to Reynolds smart ass remarks, mugging and all-important smug attitude.

It's all self-satisfied jibber-jabber, disguised as a movie that is an insult to anyone with an IQ above 40.

And don't get me started on how they destroy one of the only truly great comic book movies (James Mangold's brilliant "Logan," which is easily the best comic book movie ever made, because it's NOT really a comic book movie...thank God) within the first two minutes, and it goes downhill from there.

...and here's me on the bus afterwards. Yeah, I was right, it was horrible.

These "Deadpool" movies are as bad as bad movies get...only worse, because they think they are brilliant satire, and edgy social commentary.

These movies are neither...they are base, poorly made, terribly written, idiotic comedies that exist to make audiences feel clever because they are "in on the joke."

Well, you're not "in on the joke," because the joke is: they got your money, and THEY are laughing all the way to the bank, knowing that you will line up for part 4 thinking that you're on the "inside." You're not.

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