So, in regard to the title of this blog post...
My friend, esteemed colleague, and knowledgable film critic/writer Peter Sobczynski brilliantly touched upon this phenomenon recently in one of his recent reviews, and I'm going to touch upon it here.
In the past few years there has been an incredible (and annoying) effort by many studios (Hello NEON? Hello A24?) to hype the hell out of soon-to-be-released horror/suspense films by creating incessantly strange ad campaigns, that claim that each and every entry in the genre is a horrifying masterpiece.
This sly little tactic then gets the internet buzzing with anticipation, and since anyone with a phone and wifi is now a critic (and sees movies at screenings before they are released) the overwhelming blast of hype is enough to make you think that any movie with an offbeat plot, or a weird character is a terror masterwork.
Well, they aren't. 2024 has been a banner year for over-hyped horror films that just do NOT stand up to that hype machine.
In addition to that irritating buzzy trend, I personally haven't liked the majority of the horror movies of 2024.
In fact, I think most of them are wildly overrated (and obviously, over-hyped), mediocre, or they absolutely suck. It's been a lousy year for horror so far, and I can only hope it gets better.
Here is a rundown of the crappy horror films of 2024 so far, almost all of them were very, very OVER-HYPED and very, very BAD:
ABIGAIL - As lazy as it gets. Not even buckets of blood and gore could help this idiotic Agatha Christie variant about a group of morons dealing with a mobster's vampire-ballerina. CRAP
LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL - Incredibly overrated little film that does have a couple of moments (thanks to a wonderful performance by the terrific young actress Ingrid Torelli)., but never, ever comes together. The satire is flat, the horror tropes are tired, and it's all very boring. I love you David Dastmalchian, but this just didn't work for me...at all
IMMACULATE - Sydney Sweeney is terrible, period, end of story. This is the BAD nun-giving-birth-to-the-Anti-Christ film of 2024 (the other one, which I will tell you about further down, is glorious and amazing), and except for a pretty awesome final 3 minutes, this thing is absolutely unwatchable.
THE WATCHERS - M. Night Shyamalan's daughter proves she is as lousy a filmmaker as her dad. Not even worth writing about. CRAP
IMAGINARY - A teddy bear kills people, and evidently Betty Buckley lost a bet. CRAP
IN A VIOLENT NATURE - This one is the most baffling entry of the year. People that I know and respect, inexplicably love this movie. It has gotten mostly incredible reviews across the board, and the horror community has really embraced it. WTF? Basically some boring jagoff wanders around dressed like a Minion from a "Despicable Me" movie, and murders other boring jagoffs for 90 minutes. That's it. That's all. NOTHING else. No creativity. No real script to speak of. The acting is horrendous. The direction is tedious and derivative. There are A LOT of tracking shots. There are A LOT of graphic kills. There is A LOT of stupidity. Truly as bad as it gets. CRAP
I SAW THE TV GLOW - Writer/director Jane Schoenbrun's HUGELY disappointing follow-up to the absolutely brilliant "We're All Going to the World's Fair," is essentially the same movie, only not nearly as interesting (or as well acted). This is by no means a terrible movie (like most of this list), but it is a big letdown. I really hope that Schoenbrun's next movie is not a retread like this one.
ARCADIAN - Boring post-apocalyptic nonsense that plays like a bad "Quiet Place" knockoff. The kid actors are pretty good, but the rest in stiflingly tedious...and this is the first of two Nic Cage entries on this list. Just wait.
LISA FRANKENSTEIN - Another over-hyped piece of crap. Writer Diablo Cody proving once again (after the awful "Jennifer's Body") that she has no business writing horror. A horror comedy without horror, or comedy. Embarrassing on every level. CRAP
TAROT - "Final Destination" with tarot cards. Yeah. CRAP
NIGHT SWIM - Here's a movie about a haunted swimming pool...seriously. A couple of terrific actors (Wyatt Russell, and the transcendent Kerry Condon) do their best with bad material, but even they can't save it. CRAP
STING - A giant spider terrorizes a tenement building, and the results are boring and not the least bit scary. It also has the most annoying neighbor/nerd character I have seen in a long, long time. But, the young lead in this film, Alyla Browne, would go on to give one of the year's best performances as young Furiosa, in "Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga." But this thing is CRAP
DEPARTING SENIORS - I have friends both in front of, and behind the camera on this one....so, I'm just gonna be quiet.
THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER ONE - The first of a new trilogy??? Really??? I'm normally terrified by home invasion movies, this one put me to sleep. It's a prequel (I think) to the 2008 film, that was ripoff/remake of the brilliant 2007 film, "Them" (Ils) which was absolutely terrifying. This thing...was not. CRAP
THE EXORCISM - A wasted opportunity. The co-writer and director of this movie, Joshua John Miller, just happens to be the son of Jason Miller, who is the man who played the greatest exorcist in film history, in "The Exorcist." This movie is about an actor who is playing an exorcist in a movie, and scary things happen. It starts out well, and ends up being just another stupid devil-possession movie with Russell Crowe sleepwalking through another performance. Not crap...but, bad.
LONGLEGS - The worst movie of the year. Appalling. Inept. Stupid. Boring. Smug...and that's just the tip of the iceberg. This is the movie that Peter was reviewing when he talked about this over-hyping phenomenon, because this film is the most blatant example of that nonsense. It's hipster-doofus nonsense that showcases tired themes, and shamelessly rips off other films (particularly "Seven" and "Silence of the Lambs") all while brazenly piling on the ham-fisted atmospherics in a desperate effort to scare anyone who hasn't fallen asleep. Tedious hokum disguised as an art film that will only fool the really stupid and those unfamiliar with what makes a good horror movie. And don't even get me started on Nicolas Cage, whose ridiculous performance is on par with the scores of crappy, over-the-top jobs he's done in any number of straight-to-VOD trash heaps. This movie represents everything that's wrong and pretentious about modern independent filmmaking and distribution. This is as bad as any movie can be. Don't believe the hype. CRAP
Since this entire post has been dedicated to terrible movies, I'd like to end it with a quick list of the good stuff (which I will write more about soon). I wanted to end on a high note.
Here are the actual GOOD horror movies of 2024 so far, and they are all worth seeing:
A QUIET PLACE DAY ONE
MAXXXINE
INFECTED
STOP MOTION
THE DEVIL'S BATH
EXHUMA
and, the best horror film of the year (and one of the very best films of any genre):
THE FIRST OMEN - The biggest surprise of the year, the scariest movie I have seen in a long, long time.
Here is what I wrote immediately after seeing it in April:
"Well folks, the first truly GREAT horror movie of 2024 has arrived (yes, it's MUCH better than "Late Night with the Devil"), and what is easily the best film of a pretty stupid series, is now in theaters. It is also the first truly great film directed by a woman so far this year.
Genuinely scary, overwhelmingly creepy and skin-crawly, this extraordinarily well made movie is EVERYTHING that the awful "Immaculate" claims to be....and much, much more (and, it features an actual actress, not Sydney Sweeney). This is deeply subversive, perversely beautiful stuff, that has the balls to disturb, shock, and challenge the audience....and again, it is remarkably well crafted and directed by the very gifted Arkasha Stevenson, directing her first feature here. Loaded with callbacks and tributes to everyone from Carpenter, to Cronenberg, to (ESPECIALLY) Argento, this is a real treat for horror geeks.
It is also anchored by an incredible, brave, daring, and draining central performance by Nell Tiger Free, who goes ALL OUT here (just shy of blowing up the screen ala Isabelle Adjani in 1981's classic "Possession," which this film alludes to several times) and gives scary movie fans a gift of a stunning horror performance. The fact that this batshit crazy thing is being released wide by a major studio is mind boggling...but delightful.
Top notch all around, and not to be missed....but be warned: this thing might just screw you up a bit (it certainly did me).
Rejoice my Horror Tribe, and get your asses to the theater to see this one."
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