How About A Cool Coloring & Activity Book From David Lynch's Version of DUNE?

Yes, you read that title correctly. There was indeed, a children's coloring and activity book tied-in with a David Lynch movie! I actually enjoyed Lynch's batshit crazy version of Frank Herbert's science-fiction masterpiece, so, yep...I have that very coloring book (look at the picture).

My David Lynch Coloring and Activity Book!

I'm still waiting for the "Eraserhead" Happy Meal and Baby Carriage to come out.

There have been some truly weird movie merchandise and tie-ins over the years. Some big-time headscratchers that really have made me say: "What the hell were you thinking???" several times.

How about Burger King's Dark Whopper tie-in for "The Dark Knight?" Which they actually just recycled from their "Spider-Man 3" Dark Whopper (that came with Web Fries!) from a year earlier.

Then there's the hilarious (just look at the ad) "Hunger Games" fiery subs and flatbreads from Subway. I guess that you can eat them while you watch a much better series of films called "Battle Royale."

Hungry? Don't kill anyone in a terrible game...just have a Fiery Flatbread!

Hey, let's all get the unreal "The Passion of the Christ" Nail Pendant, which was a symbolic piece of jewelry that was supposed to represent one of the nails driven into Christ's hands while he was on the cross. Oh, Mel Gibson, you certifiable nutcase.

Having trouble potty training your kids? Let "Monster's University" or the "Star Wars" characters help out by putting some of their Underoos on your babies! It's a proven fact that Jar Jar Binks makes people poop.

Wanna smell like The Hulk, or Iron Man, or Black Widow, or that jagoff with the giant chin who snaps his fingers and turns everybody into dust (I don't remember his name, because I don't give a crap)? Well you can smell just like him, if you purchase some Avengers Cologne.

Let's all get a Side-of-Beef action figure from the "Rocky" action figure line.....what?!?! Now, I understand the Rocky Balboa, Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago action figures, but the side of meat that Rocky uses as the heavy punching bag? That's a thing?

In addition to the many and commonplace fast food tie-ins that restaurants have with blockbuster movies, there have been some really insane food related tie-ins...and my favorite, without question is:

The "Leonard Part 6" Mini-Spy Camera that you could only get at participating Ponderosa Steak Houses.

From an old newspaper I had...this is REAL. I am not kidding.

You all remember "Leonard Part 6" right?? The classic Bill Cosby "comedy" in which Bill played a former CIA agent who can't stay retired because a crazed vegetarian (played by Gloria Foster) is trying to take over the world with her army of killer animals. Yeah, that "Leonard Part 6."

Not only were there never any "Leonard" Parts 1 thru 5, but this is widely considered one of the worst movies ever made, and an absolute embarrassment to everyone involved. When this thing was released in 1987, Cosby was the biggest star on TV, and went out of his way to distance himself from the film. He even told the public NOT to see it under any circumstances, and offered refunds to some who went to see it.

But, that didn't stop Ponderosa from doing the Mini-Spy Camera campaign...which, unsurprisingly, failed miserably. How could a tie-in with a steakhouse fail when the plot involves vegetarians and killer cows?? I'm pissed that I never got a camera, or a $5.49

T-Bone Dinner.

Now, at the end of each year, because I am a film critic (and someone in the public eye), I am inundated with movie screeners, merchandise, t-shirts, coffee table books, and more crap than you can possibly imagine.

In an effort to get critics to mention certain films on their year-end lists & wrap ups, the studios spend an enormous amount of money sending this stuff to anyone with a phone, a social media account, and some sort of "critic" or "influencer" title.

It's incredibly wasteful (and you wonder why Netflix - who seems to spend the most money of any studio mailing out this crap - raises their subscription fees every year) and it's completely unnecessary.

Here is just one example: the ridiculous Bradley Cooper "Maestro" package that I received (which contained, among other things, an exclusive Leonard Bernstein vinyl album, a Blu-ray screener, and a huge, beautifully bound coffee table book) did not prevent me from putting that piece of crap movie on my Worst of 2023 list.

Now, I have donated a lot of this junk to charities, etc., but I still have a bunch of studio sent movie-related stuff laying around my house, and t-shirts that I sometimes wear...because all I wear is t-shirts.

That doesn't mean that I am opposed to movie-related memorabilia, quite the opposite. I love movie memorabilia, and display many things with pride (I just think that it's incredibly brazen and wasteful for studios to blow so much money sending that stuff out to people who shouldn't receive it...namely ME).

I have a ton of cool stuff...my most recent purchase is a "Kinds of Kindness" keychain....a great tie-in to Yorgos Lanthimos' glorious, completely misunderstood masterpiece. I love it! Now, every time I use the key to get into my apartment, I picture Emma Stone dancing in front of her cool-ass muscle car, or I think of Willem Dafoe wearing terrible shorts and telling Jesse Plemons to come into the room over and over again. That's the purpose of movie tie-in stuff, right?

I love my "Kinds of Kindness" keychain. Oddly, a lot of people don't understand it...just like they didn't understand the movie.

Or maybe it's just that you want a cheap camera and a $5 steak...I dunno.

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